Relationships

*** A friend emailed this to me..

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A female telephone operator received a phone call one day. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB.Sorry, I got the number from my husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".

NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"

The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.

CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another,or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..

RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other,we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted,"Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me.Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home,a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future. Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..

BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy,I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.

People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

*** Just somethings to think about... :)

On Family and Responsibilities

How important is your family to you? How far can you go for them? What are you willing to sacrifice for their happiness?


Why am I asking these questions? Recently, I became, officially, the head of the family. YES, you read it right and NO, my parents aren't dead. For some reasons, my dad just can't work anymore and my mom, a plain loving housewife and a mother to us, is unemployed. My older brother, the eldest among four kids, lives now with his own family. So being next to him, needless to say, I have to take over all of the responsiblities. All by myself, alone...


It's not as if it's something new to me because since I was young, my mom has always and consistently reminded me of my duties and I have religiously tried to do everything to be called responsible. It's just that this is more pressure to me since they would be fully dependent to me now.

Two years ago, two weeks after graduation, I got my first job and started to help supporting my family's needs. In the beginning, I only gave a partial of my salary to my mom. But because of the increasing prices of our daily necessities, I felt like there was a need for me to give more. I started supporting my 2 younger brothers' college studies, from tuition fees, to allowances, and other to stuffs that needs to be paid concerning their schooling. I also was obliged to pay the electric bills and share extra money for the groceries because dad's income has decreased. In the long run, I gave almost all of my salary to mom leaving myself a partial of it for my allowance (money I could use till I receive my next pay).


People would say my family is lucky to have me, one responsible and good daughter and a sister...And this really makes me think... Hmmm.. They ought to build me a monument or a statue of some kind and reserve a day to pay respect to me.. LOL


Kidding aside, sometimes, I get sick and tired of all these yet I just can't give up. They need me and I just can't let them down. I love my family so much that I am willing to always go the extra mile for their happiness and wellness. Indeed it is a great responsibility, but to think, it is also one great priveledge to make other lives worth living and to show these people your gratitude for all the love that they give you. They are lucky to have me and I, as well, am is lucky to have them. They're of the highest priority to me, aside from God of course. Anything that concerns them, concerns me. I would do anything, even give up my own happiness, for them. Because to me, their happiness, their wellness, is mine, too...

I just pray God gives me more strenght to carry all these...

Breakup and Learn

Phone Call

You called... Days after we decided to start clean and all over again, you called and asked me, "What happened to us?"... I did not answer for a few moments, I was thinking, I didn't know what to say...

You said, "I still love you..", I did not answer back, I was thinking, I didn't know what to say...

You said, " I will always be here for you..", you sounded like you were crying, I still did not answer back, I was thinking, I still didn't know what to say...

The line got cut off and there was a long moment of silence and I just realized, tears were rolling down my cheeks.

Months ago, I told you ( and myself, too) that I'm going to give myself whole heartedly to this commitment... No reservations... And you said the same thing. All the while, I have tried to be as strong as I can. I became so many things I was not before. I was very patient in all the ways I could think of. I became so understanding to the point I could not understand myself anymore. I learned to prioritize and sacrifice things for our sakes. I loved as if I will never love again... And I was happy... Until one day, I woke up and realized things weren't really working right. Beside the fact that we were on a long-distance relationship, you never really had time for me, or so I think (just like what you always tell me)... I tried to tell you about this, I wanted to be honest with you, the way I have always been all along, and express how I really felt about it. But you said I was becoming unreasonable. That I've become a fault-finder, making big issues out of small things. You even said I was becoming more demanding and hard to deal with each day... And I was hurt... Badly...

So that was how it went... We talked and decided maybe we need a time-out... More space between us... Deep inside, I was thinking, "Hell, how much more space do you need?", but there was no use saying that anymore since we have already agreed to 'go on separate ways'...

The phone rang again after a few minutes. Your name was on the screen. I answered it. You were crying while you were saying, "Nothing's changed... Nothing's changed, right? I still love you the way I have before...", and then you paused... I was silent and waiting on what you're going to say next.., I heard you taking in deep breaths and then you asked me. "Don't you love me anymore?"... I was thinking and then I finally said, "I don't know..." You were silent for a long time. Though you were trying to hide and deny it, I knew you were crying, I can hear it from the other line...

And then I spoke my mind. I tried to use the simplest and most subtle words to tell you how I really feel, because, as always, I don't want you to get hurt.

I don't know how I feel about you anymore. I was hurt but I don't blame you for that. You taught me so many things I've never known before, things I never learned from school or anywhere else, things that only real experience could teach. And for that, I thank you.

Maybe I was too idealistic. I had my fair share of mistakes too, I admit. If I am not as expressive as I was before, that's because of you.

You once told me, "There's nothing wrong with being honest and, with speaking your thoughts, but there are times, you have keep things to yourself so as not to hurt other people's feelings," and maybe that was what I felt those times. I was holding words to myself. I was afraid I might say something you will not like that might hurt you... And that would hurt me in return...

I am a little stiff now and that's because of you...

I learned that if you don't want to get too hurt, you have to learn to control your feelings even if that means not giving yourself whole-heartedly to something... Or someone...

You taught me not to expect anything from a relationship, from people around me.. ("Is this right?", I still ask myself.)

I was not scared to go through anything for this relationship, but now I am... And that, you taught me, too.

Either good or bad, you taught me so many things I could not enumerate in here anymore, and for whatever they may be, I thank you...

You were silent for a long time... I still wanted to say more... But I couldn't.. I felt like if I say another word, I could not contain the sadness anymore and I might burst into tears, into a loud cry. And then, I heard you try to explain your side but maybe I was too tired and have had enough to digest more of your explanations... I was crying, though i hate to, I knew I was crying...

And then, again, the call got disconnected...