Missing

I have not blogged for weeks and I really feel sad about it. I have not even checked my mails and offline messages. I've been eager to do all of these but I have been so pre-occupied with other things. Coping with all the new responsibilities as the head of the family is not easy. Work, too has been both very serious and boring these past days. I really miss the whole internet...

On Family and Responsibilities

How important is your family to you? How far can you go for them? What are you willing to sacrifice for their happiness?


Why am I asking these questions? Recently, I became, officially, the head of the family. YES, you read it right and NO, my parents aren't dead. For some reasons, my dad just can't work anymore and my mom, a plain loving housewife and a mother to us, is unemployed. My older brother, the eldest among four kids, lives now with his own family. So being next to him, needless to say, I have to take over all of the responsiblities. All by myself, alone...


It's not as if it's something new to me because since I was young, my mom has always and consistently reminded me of my duties and I have religiously tried to do everything to be called responsible. It's just that this is more pressure to me since they would be fully dependent to me now.

Two years ago, two weeks after graduation, I got my first job and started to help supporting my family's needs. In the beginning, I only gave a partial of my salary to my mom. But because of the increasing prices of our daily necessities, I felt like there was a need for me to give more. I started supporting my 2 younger brothers' college studies, from tuition fees, to allowances, and other to stuffs that needs to be paid concerning their schooling. I also was obliged to pay the electric bills and share extra money for the groceries because dad's income has decreased. In the long run, I gave almost all of my salary to mom leaving myself a partial of it for my allowance (money I could use till I receive my next pay).


People would say my family is lucky to have me, one responsible and good daughter and a sister...And this really makes me think... Hmmm.. They ought to build me a monument or a statue of some kind and reserve a day to pay respect to me.. LOL


Kidding aside, sometimes, I get sick and tired of all these yet I just can't give up. They need me and I just can't let them down. I love my family so much that I am willing to always go the extra mile for their happiness and wellness. Indeed it is a great responsibility, but to think, it is also one great priveledge to make other lives worth living and to show these people your gratitude for all the love that they give you. They are lucky to have me and I, as well, am is lucky to have them. They're of the highest priority to me, aside from God of course. Anything that concerns them, concerns me. I would do anything, even give up my own happiness, for them. Because to me, their happiness, their wellness, is mine, too...

I just pray God gives me more strenght to carry all these...

What I do...

What do you do when you're tired or exhausted? When you feel like the world is against you? When you feel like things are not always working out right?

Well, me? I cry. I pray. I write.

I cry. I cry as much as I can. I cry until either I fall asleep or until my tears run dry. It's my way of releasing the pain, the sadness, the worries and doubts, all that is negative. Crying somehow makes me feel relaxed and calm.

I pray. After releasing all the tensions I feel, I pray. I talk to God . I lift up my problems, myself, and everything to Him. I talk to Him and it makes my heart so much lighter. Talking to God gives my soul the peace that I need. A sort of calmness, serenity only God can give. I pray and asks Him to walk with me, walk me to the light.

And then I write. I write to express how I feel... How I felt... I write so I can remember... So I will remember that once in my life I came across the same kind of situation and that I was able to overcome it... So I will remember that I should be a lot stronger..

These are what I do... How 'bout you? :)

Welcome to ME

Hmmm..i feel really weird about this.. I've always wanted to write and simply express my thoughts online but i have never had the guts to do so until now. I don't know what people would say about this blog space I have but right now, i don't really care.. I just want to freely express myself in this tiny space I have in the Internet.. So, whether you like it or not, I welcome myself into blogging.. and writing..and expressing my thoughts.. Welcome to ME! :o)